Name: Tina Fey

Birthday: May 18, 1970

Hometown: Upper Darby, Pennsylvania

Best Scar Smoother: Wash yourself in your subordinate’s fear.

Best and Only Friend: Amy Poehler. Don’t ask her to confirm thought. (Because she won’t.)

• How did she get that scar? Her father is really Captain Hook and one day he got mad at her.

• Just kidding. In reality, her father took her on a fishing trip and accidentally hooked her face in his excitement at seeing some catfish. Or… that’s what he says.

• Has threatened all male coworkers and insubordinates into proclaiming she’s smart AND sexy.

• They don’t really want to but when a woman with a scar across her face AND she holds the keys to whether or not your career bombs on television, you better do as she says.

• How does she look so SMART and SEXY?!? I don’t know. She’s the coolest. ::looks behind me at Tina Fey in the corner:: …yeah, smart and sexy. (help!)