Name: Sharon Stone

Birthday: March 10, 1958

Hometown: Meadville, Pennsylvania

Favorite Spa: Smiley Joe’s Carwash & Lube.

Smells Like: New car smell, but also old people.

• Earns an annual income of $5,436,812.52 for showing up at college lecture halls, going on stage, and crossing her legs for 37 minutes.

• Some would say of her marriage that she’s “robbing the cradle”. Not true. Considering the fact that most of her body parts are less than five years old, her body is, on average, 29 years of age.

• Practices the STD-free and more subtle art of the blowjob to get herself out of not-so-tight spots, like Warren Beatty’s asshole.

• Sometimes, just for the heck of it, se goes to the top floor of her building and grabs the excess skin she secretly had tucked away in a “secret place” and parachutes down.

• Sharon Stone coined the now popular Internet phrase: “Surprise Buttsecks”.