Name: Scarlett Johansson

Birthday: November 22, 1984

Hometown: New York City, New York

Dad’s Nickname: Big Boom Boom Stan.

Breath Smells Like: Fire and brimstone. And a little cheesy.

• Wanted a Carebear for her fifth birthday. But never received one. Now, to compensate, she had bronze statues of each Carebear character erected in her backyard.

• Had a twin, but ate him while they were in the womb. Now, she plays the role of her own twin in real life just for her parent’s sake. It’s kinda creepy to be around.

• When you see them together in photos, THAT, my friend, is the evil workings of the Photoshop.

• Her boobs? That is also due to the sinister magic of the Photoshop and feminine trickery! Men of the world, Weep!

• She learned her tricksy ways when she was a child. Boys called her Big Boom Boom Sue, after her dad. Ew.