Name: R. Kelly

Birthday: January 8, 1967

Hometown: Chicago, Illinois

Toy: Super Soaker 3000

Pet Peeve: Being sprayed with Mace

• Contrary to popular belief, “Tha Ar-uh” is not the one who appears in the now famous “sex tape” involving him and an underage teenager. The man in that video is actually Aaron Hall, who made the tape and released it to the general public as revenge against R. Kelly for stealing his entire persona in the early 90s.

• Much to Hall’s dismay, teenage girls were (and still are) Kelly’s number one demographic, with an overwhelming 89% of his fan-base being members of that group. After word got out that Kels actually has sex with his fans, as his songs suggested he does, his record sales have skyrocketed. R. Kelly was quoted as saying “It’s great; not only am I saving millions on promotional costs, I don’t even have to write inspirational songs for mainstream singles anymore! These kids LOVE ME! Thanks, Aaron!” I guess success is the best revenge, after all.

• When asked about his most embarrassing moment in an interview with SOHH.com, many expected his response to be the time VIBE Magazine published a copy of his marriage license to then-fifteen year-old Aaliyah, which occurred while he wrote and produced her debut album, Age Ain’t Nothin’ but a Number. In a move that came to everyone’s surprise, he responded that his most embarrassing moment was when his Album/Opera/Video Series Trapped in the Closet “jumped the shark.”

• R Kelly has never been wed since annulling his socially unacceptable first marriage. Whenever questioned as to why this is the case, Kels’ only answer is “too many women remind me of my jeep.”

• Due to his great success as a songwriter, as well as the huge DVD sales success his Trapped in the Closer series turned out to be, the now-defunct UPN network thought it wise to hire R. Kelly to write and direct a pilot for the show that execs hoped would “save [their] network.” It turned out that R. Kelly was too controversial for television (go fig), which was the consensus among execs and industry insiders alike, after viewing the pilot episode of his TV show Christian Slater: The Christian Slayer.