Name: Demi Moore

Birthday: November 11, 1962

Hometown: Roswell, New Mexico

Real Name: Demetria Gene Guynes

Next major accessory purchase: Vaccuum attachments

• Dubbed the “Six Million Dollar Woman” by her team of grateful plastic surgeons.

• Favorite moisturizer is Creme de le Mer, but that would now short out her “improvements”. She now just uses oil, made popular by the Tinman in the Wizard of Oz.

• Her favorite movie is “The Hand that Robbed the Cradle.”

• Some would accuse her of robbing the cradle. Her response? “What do I need to rob it for? I’d much rather fuck the cradle.” ::waves magic wand over Ashton Kutcher:: “Come to me, my pretty!!! HahahahAHAhhahaHA!”

• Uses electric fencing to keep her “pet” from straying.