Name: Cameron Diaz

Birthday: August 30, 1972

Hometown: San Diego, California

Trailing Scent: Rotten Durian

First Impression: Duck-billed Alligator

• When she was little, her mother gave her a pair of maracas to play whenever she feels down and out.

• Ever since she broke up with Justin Timberlake, she hums Mary had a Little Lamb while playing the maracas.

• The sound of music floats throughout her house and little forest animals run for cover.

• Her manager has tried to get her to pay attention to her face and skin, her “moneymakers”, but to no avail. She doesn’t have the energy to keep up her virgin-stealing youth-recovering daily rituals anymore.

• The virgins of Los Angeles heave a huge sigh of relief. Their numbers have dwindled since Hugh Hefner and Cameron Diaz has come to town.