Name: Brett Favre

Birthday: October 10, 1969

Hometown: Gulfport, Mississippi

Pre-game Snack: Pork Rinds before Pig Skin.

Post-game Snack: Possum Pie.

• Many people have been criticizing Favre for the fact that after the past four football seasons, Brett has declared his retirement, only to re-join the team mid-summer. Critics, sports writers, players, coaches and managers all over the NFL have especially complained this year about Favre’s attempt to hold the Green Bay Packers’ fans emotionally hostage. But honestly? None of those guys are Brett Favre, so fuck them.

• Most people consider a strongman as somebody who can rip a phone book in half with his bare hands. Brett, however, can rip a phone book in half by throwing a football through it.

• Brett Favre is the reason why Chuck Norris won’t play football. During a pro / celebrity exhibition football game in 1994, Brett Favre threw a flea flicker pass to Chuck in the third quarter; although Norris caught the ball, the impact of the football rendered him comatose for three months.

• Much to MC Hammer’s chagrin, Brett Favre’s spiral pass is the only known object in the observable universe with the ability to “touch this.”

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Give Brett Favre a football and he will throw it so hard, it’ll turn a mako shark into 1,387 California Rolls.