Name: Alex Rodriguez

Birthday: July 27, 1975

Hometown: New York, New York

Chewing Tobacco Substitute: Deer Jerky dipped in hot sauce.

Favorite Stress Reliever: Mint leaves dried and cured and rolled between thin highly flammable papers.

• A source close to A-Rod has said that although Rodriguez is upset that he’s been caught by the paparazzi sneaking out of Madonna’s back door, he’s relieved that they didn’t catch him “sneaking into her ‘back door.’”

• In an attempt to claim even more of Jose Canseco’s “sloppy seconds,” Alex has asked his agent to sign him up for the next season of the “Surreal Life.” After initially being disappointed that they stopped making that show, A-Rod just started digging around through Canseco’s garbage and recyclables instead.

• Although his divorce with his wife (C-Rod) is still getting a lot of publicity, the legal proceedings are actually over with already. In what many are calling the shortest celebrity divorce judgement ever, the presiding Judge declared that “if you marry a man who calls himself ‘a rod,’ you can’t be surprised if he goes cheating on you with a few strippers, or Madonna. The United States Judicial System will not reward your stupidity.”

• When asked in a 2004 People Magazine interview why he nicknamed himself “A-Rod,” he simply smiled and replied “because Magic Johnson was already taken, and I was told it’s kinda bad luck.”

• Alex Rodriguez is the owner of the only autographed “Ron Mexico” jersey in existence.