Name: Adam Sandler

Birthday: September 9, 1966

Hometown: Brooklyn, New York

Boxers or Briefs?: Neither.

Hates: Leather pants on a hot day.

• Doesn’t want to star in a Law and Order episode. He wants inspire one.

• He is convinced that the chupacabra is real and likes to stand guard at night outside of his house. He has a rifle and decapitated goat beside him.

• He is mesmerized by the puffy fluffiness of muffin tops.

• His favorite muffin top does not belong to his wife. His wife is also addicted to anti-depressants.

• He was arrested for biting a woman’s muffin top last year. He pled guilty and served 1000 hours of community service at the local chapter of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.